Family

Family is the most basic and important social unit. It gives us an identity which is unique. We can always depend on family when things go wrong. Even when friends desert us we can find support from family members. When we aim to create our own identity, carve a niche for ourselves; we still go back to the comfort of the family home. We can’t choose our family but we can choose our friends. So we have to be happy with whatever type of family we have. This could be like a life sentence for people who don’t have a good family. Our parents and siblings bring out the best in us, only if they are good people. If they’re not, then they can bring out the worst in us. We can exhibit the kind of behaviour we detest upon being instigated by a family member. Our quirkiness and idiosyncrasies could very well be something we learnt from our family members. Even if we are mocked because of it, we can’t help but behave that way.

From a young age, we seek approval from our family even if we don’t like them. Growing up in the same house gives us a sense of security and closeness. So even if our family members irritate us a lot, we still want them to like us. We become so used to each members' behaviour that after a point we can predict it. It becomes so easy to identify the behaviour patterns and reactions of each member, that we can tell exactly what they’re going to say or do. This helps us to deal with them in the appropriate way so that we aren’t frustrated by their behaviour. Parents say that they love all their children equally, that’s not practically possible. Parents have their favourites, they make it so obvious by their behaviour, and ironically they still deny the favouritism. This can be really hurtful to the child who isn’t the favourite one, which can lead to a lot of relationship issues.

Children have to constantly keep a balance between striving for independence and depending on their parents. Teenagers tend to have a hard time convincing their parents to take them seriously. They don’t want to be considered as kids anymore even though they are not adults. Once they become adults they have to make their parents believe that they can look after themselves. The ability to make choices independently is something every child has but it may or may not be encouraged by parents. If parents are controlling then they will constantly interfere in their child’s life. Not giving them autonomy is something that can be crippling. Parents making children live their life according to their wishes is just unfair. Just because they have given birth to them doesn’t mean that they can dictate terms to them. The opposite of this kind of parenting is when parents are indifferent towards their children. They have no interest in their children’s lives and don’t care about how they are living it. These two extremes in parenting are very detrimental to the mental and emotional development of a child.

I feel that people should only think of getting married and starting a family when they have dealt with their issues. Otherwise, they will not be a good spouse or a good parent. If they fail to do that or ignore it then they will negatively affect their family. Their spouse and kids might learn their negative behaviour patterns and in turn influence others. This vicious cycle will never stop and it will be carried down from generation to generation. Is it any wonder that people who are diagnosed with mental disorders behave abnormally also because of their dysfunctional family. People hardly consider this very valid point. Yes, sometimes family can drive us crazy! Some people prevent this situation by leaving their family and cutting all ties with them. Others get married as soon as they meet someone who gives them the attention that they are not receiving from their parents. They might end up marrying the wrong person, just to escape their family and end up with bigger problems.

Whether our family gets on our nerves or not we still care about them. It’s better to have a family than to not have one. So the best way to deal with each family member is to be tactful based on how they behave. That will help us to have good relations with each of them. Cutting ties may seem like a good option but it leads to a lot of resentment and unpleasantness and escapism is not going to mend relationships. It’s best to communicate feelings if it helps to improve the relationship. If it only leads to unnecessary arguments then it’s best to keep a distance. If we can’t change the relationship for the better then it’s best to tolerate them. Patience is the key, not responding to jibes will make them feel small. We all try to have good relationships with our family members. The effort shows that we care, which helps us to learn more about families. Even if we love them or hate them they will still be family, we just have to learn how to deal with them effectively. Then we can get the most out of the relationship.